Akolasia by Chris Anthony Wills
ON BECOMING ONE'S OWN MAGICKAL CHILDE THROUGH ALIEN SEX:
PERICHORESIS FOR PERMANENT TRANSFORMATION
DIARY FRAGMENTS AND COMMENTS
BY FRATER ASHT-CHOZAR-SSARALU (Alobar)
As a child, I was plagued by nightmares - fueled in
part by my vivid imagination, my fascination with
"monsters", and being exposed to personal violence at
school (as well as vicarious violence via tv news &
neighborhood gossip). At about age 8, my mother’s uncle Henry
taught me how to wake-up within dreamtime and how to use my
dreams as a tool for examining and adjusting my personal
relationship with the multiverse at large. I learned to assert my Will
within my personal microcosm. By facing my fears personified by
the various bogeys of my dreams, I began to dance creatively within
Maya rather than simply reacting to what others had created as
though I were a consumer of fate or a victim of destiny. As my
new perspective became more ingrained, monsters became my friends
or guides rather than predators or tormentors. Strange inter-
penetrations of my body with alien geometries became pleasant,
rather than invasive or ego-threatening.
A
bout 2 decades ago, I began to work consciously with
the energies/entities of Lovecraft’s mythos. At first I
felt like a fieldmouse in a world populated by owls,
hawks & rattlesnakes. But the farther I got in my
explorations, the more I came to realize that my personal
relationship with any energy or entity is one which is uniquely
determined by me & the energy/entity in question - regardless of
racial or ecological stereotypes.
This turn-around became fully actualized for me during a
dreamtime initiatory sequence which took place (if memory serves me
correctly) about 10 years ago (as time is measured on the plane in
which I write this note). Note: (This essay was penned in
the mid 1980s.)
I
was part of an exploratory crew aboard the Miskatonic
University research submarine Grendal off the sunken
shoreline of R’Lyeh. I was naked, save for scuba tanks &
utility belts. As I & the rest of my team filed past the
boson, she handed each of us a shoulder bag filled with condoms. At
that point I knew (without knowing how) that Cthulhu was waiting
for us just beyond the airlock. I knew that in order to prevent
impregnation by Cthulhu, I would need to put a condom over each
& every tentacle tip, cilium fiber, & every other protuberance
which
Great Cthulhu might extend my way in communicatory caress or
tentative exploration.
To be honest, I was terrified. I was also expectant. I had been
preparing for this moment for nearly a decade. But when the airlock
finished cycling, & I was ejected into the warm, moonlit sea, I was
totally unprepared for the ensuing ecstatic initiation.
For one thing, I could smell.
Smell is the sense I rely on most
to check-out energy flow between
myself and others during waking
consciousness (which explains, at
least in part, my strong aversion
to smokers). Heretofore, in dream-
time, I had been bereft of my sense
of smell. But now I was inundated
with odors drifting at me from all
sides. All erotic. All ecstatic. All
inviting. I wanted more!
The geometry of this undersea
grotto gave me severe vertigo -
but it was not entirely unpleasant.
(Raw power seldom is!) I felt as
though any imbalance might well
precipitate my demise - or worse.
It was like being in free-fall while
trying to navigate thru a rotating/
undulating/breathing house of
mirrors. Time folded & unfolded all
around me. Every gesture, every
choice I made opened up new
timelines/closed off entire uni-
verses. My every stray thought
became reified instantly. Conscious
will manifested even more quickly.
[Or was it just that my time sense
had been so speeded-up that aeons
seemed to me to be instants?]
I cast off my scuba tanks &
discarded my bag of condoms. I
would settle for nothing short of
total union! Visions of parasitic
impregnations & infestations
flashed before my mind’s eye. I
blanked my mind momentarily to
banish an image of tentacled em-
bryos gnawing at my entrails.
While in a no-mind state, I
opened myself up. The smell was
delicious. So was the feel. I relaxed
my no-mind state in order to
reason with myself. If I was
unwilling to trust the input of my own
highly developed senses, who or what could
I ever trust in the future? Throwing
caution to the wind I swam toward my
alien lover.
C
thulhu caressed me & pene-
trated me in every conceivable
orifice - from my ass to my
eyes, from my ears to the
pores on the soles of my feet. Each
penetration ecstatic/orgasmic/informa-
tional. I drew prana directly from the
erogenously charged seawater. I had no
need of air to breathe. I became filled
with the essence & substance of Cthulhu.
In turn, I ejaculated into Cthulhu in a
continuous stream for hours. Within us
grew embryonic intelligences from hybrid
dimensions. From my mundane perspec-
tive, he/I/we felt them come to maturity
within his brain & inside his spinal
column. I [that is to say, my little ego]
became conscious of the totality of con-
sciousness within me/us. I/we became the
childe of my/our union with Cthulhu -
Oruborous sucking eggs out of my own
tail. Auranos as both honeybee & pollen.
F
rom what I am able to
perceive, time flows differently
on that plane in which
Cthulhu is awake and or-
gasmically active than it does in the
here-&-now. By morning [when I awoke back into my human
body] I was centuries more mature than the night before. Yet, also
more youthful. On the physical plane, I am no longer quite human.
My physician once jokingly told me that I had the EKG of a corpse.
Or a zombie. He re-did my EKG & I tested out normal. My stray
thoughts can mess up EKG and EEG readings. My blood sugar
levels, hormone levels etc. are more an outgrowth of my conscious
thought patterns than my diet or any other external environmental
factors. Organisms which are parasitic to other humans live
benignly in my bloodstream & under my skin, except when I am
indulging in a dark night of the soul.
If I go forth with the idea that I am asserting my Will in the
universe, I will most assuredly meet energies/entities who will
[assertively!] work with me to hone my will. If I seek to control or
dominate then I will meet those who seek to dominate me.
Personally, I prefer to interact symbiotically with each & every
entity/energy I meet. For me, playful synergy seems far more
efficacious than hierarchical old Æon power struggles borrowed
from
our ancestor’s ignorance & their underdeveloped comprehension of
their own nervous systems.
In trafficking with
the Great Old Ones, Elder
Gods, & other such ener-
gies/entities, I neither in-
voke, nor am I summoned.
Rather, I open myself up
to a conscious experience of
she/he/they/that which I
seek. Sometimes I am
visited-by, while at other
times I flow-to. For the
most part, such distinctions
are rather nonsensical, for there are aspects of me which identify
strongly with the human whom most see me as, and other aspects
of me which identify with those alien eroto-intelligences which
commune with the human who was then known as Bill Siebert. In
a very real sense, my communion/communication with these
entities/energies is continuous. Ritual invocations work to accentu-
ate my awareness of what is already in progress. My relationship
with entities/energies in this realm is primarily sexual - that is to
say interpenetrating. I/we/they exchange non-physical analogs of
genetic material. Such exchanges cannot [in my experience] occur
without full trust, cooperation, & ecstatic openness. In this
realm,
force [rape, duplicity, etc.] & other power games are not only
non-productive, they seem not to be possible, [for me, at any rate].
T
he primary tool which I use for to open myself up to
energies from the Lovecraftian dimensions is the
trilateral circular vève shown on the following page. I
fashioned the original from memory after a whirlwind
tour of its macrocosmic analog upon the back of Ithaqa, the
Wind-Walker some 15 years ago. I then added appropriate labels
[god names] through ordinary scholastic means, after translation
into Enochian.
O
ver the years, I have come to appreciate that my
human brain is but a miniscule appendage of my
human mind. My human brain is [indeed] incapable of
containing the raw energies of the cosmos. However,
my human mind is capable of active egalitarian interaction with the
most awesome entities/energies I have thus far met. Not to contain
them. Not to control them. But to merge with them & share
[artistically/sexually/mathematically] with them.
H
umanity can indeed by quite frail. Yet, I choose not to
hide my humanity. From my perspective frailty is one
of humanity’s more delicate survival traits! Openness
& curiosity coupled with frailty seems to engender
tenderness & patience from those who have been nurturing instincts
and consciously cultivating predilections. When I am in open
exploratory mode, I greet and interact with the unknown with my
tender exuberance. [When I feel unable to be open or exuberant, I am
a hermit who shuns all conscious contact with the unknown.] I have
no interest in playing power-over games with behemoths - I’d
rather we fucked ourselves silly instead! If I were to hide my
frailties, I feel I might be [inadvertently] crushed or consumed
during raucous loveplay.
T
his little essay
produced with
neither paper
nor ink is issued
under immortalist copyright.
If you gain something from
viewing this book, you are
obligated by virtue of im-
mortalist copyright to share
what you have gained. I
am not asking for money.
I am asking to view your
art & read your writings. I
want to hear your music and
tap-into your dreaming as
much as I am able. Should
I die & then re-incarnate on
this plane, I want to be able
to locate the works of those
influenced by me that I may
remember more easily who I
am and how to dream bigger
and more interesting dreams
than I ever could alone.
Frater AshT-Chozar-Ssaratu,Frater AshT-Chozar-Ssaratu,
Miskatonic Alchemykal Expedition
New Orleans, 2001 e.v.
Alobar@bellsouth.net
*The fractal artwork in this
essay is (for the
most part) not my own. I
harvested much
of it from the
alt.binaries.pictures.fractal
newsgroup. Fractal images are
posted there for
personal use. As I am not
making a dime from this
essay & neither is anyone else, I
figure that I can
call this personal use. If
anyone whose fractal art
appears here wants me to remove their
work, please
let me know. If anyone
whose work appears here
wants to be listed at the end of the
essay with
website &/or e-mail, let me know
also. The nature
of saving images from NGs &
websites is such that
I cannot easily keep track of where I
D/Led what.
* Original fractal-rich site: http://www.miskalex.org/PDF/Childe.PDF
