Being a Formula of Open-ended
Initiation Suited for this AEon Based upon a merger of the Tree of
Perfection with the Cup of Babalon under the Auspices of Jupiter
Promulgated
by Frater PVN (Alobar) Master of
Forbidden Alchemies -->by no
Authority, other than his own<--
During 3 different opera during the
first pentad of Arachnae of this year (May 16-21, 1984 e.v.) the
fleeting images which usually follow VIIIo orgasm were `blacked-out' by
an overwhelming vision which began with Don Karr's Tree of Perfection.
In earlier work with his Tree, there had been a strong tendency for it
to `evolve' gradually (yet purpose- fully) into the Jovian Tree of
expansion (Kether=Pluto, Chokmah=Uranus, Neptune=Binah,
Daa"th=Jupiter,Chesed=Venus, Geburah=Mercury, Tiphereth= Sol,
Netzach=Mars, Hod=Saturn, Yesod=Luna), with an ensuing melt-down of the
Paths into marbelized colored wax matrix as Jupiter went `Nova' and
became a star. The meltdown of the Paths `imbedded' the Sephiroth into
the `backdrop' of the Universal continuity, while interconnecting each
sphere to every other sphere by all the Paths.
But in these 3 opera, the transition
was abrupt & without any hint of progression (like switching energy
states by means of a quantum leap). What happened next was common to all
3 visions, but the detail of resolution of the vision has improved with
repetition.
First: Jove/Daa"thgoes `nova' &
becomes a self-luminous body. Its color is Royal blue rayed with
filaments of fine orangey gold which emmanate as fine spider-webbed
strands from the center of the Sphere & progressively become
twisted snake-like pseudopods which extend beyond the boundary of the
Sphere of Daa"thto touch the marbelized back-drop of Paths (very
lightly, like a spider testing her web for distant thrummings).
Second: The sun turns brilliant
lemon-yellow with a network of royal purple strands (much like Jove's
strands, but much finer in texture). Luna becomes a grail-shaped crescent
of electric ultra-violet. Saturn becomes so black it looks more like a
void than a color. Mars becomes a bright blood-red. Venus becomes an
iridescent Kelly green while Mercury becomes a rich glowing psychedelic
pumpkin orange.
Third: The Tree then begins to fold
over itself & take on a palpable three-dimensionality. The upper 4
Sephiroth fold outward, so that the plane which defines them lies
perpendicular to the axis of the Tree. Each of these 4 spheres becomes
an iridescent narcotic gemstone on the rim of a celestial chalice.
Kether becomes a brilliant white star (Sothis), Uranus becomes a `justified' higher
vibration of Mercury (feminine emphatic androgyne whose anus has been
filled with the semen of his children) & becomes a shining pearl
[i.e., Uranus who ate his children becomes your-anus who receives the
seed of his children in joy]. The sterile mother at Binah becomes the
three-pronged transmitter of the energies of the Trident of Set. Each
of her prongs is tipped with a jewel (ruby, emerald & a royal blue
stone) of the same crystaline composition.
Sol becomes the point at which the
bowl of the chalice joins the stem. Venus & Mercury become twin
serpents which emmanate from Sol (like distended sperm) & encircle
the inner surface of the bowl 3-1/2 times The between Sol & the rim
of the cup. Looking down on the rim, Mercury spirals deosil &
touches the rim twixt Jove & Uranus; Venus spirals widdershins
& meets the rim twixt Sothis & Neptune. Sol then elongates into
a pillar of yellow fire with a surface network of royal purple `veins'
which distends downward to touch the Lunar Crescent. The Lunar Crescent
then moves up thru the Sun & into the bowl of the chalice, where it
atomizes into a vaporous electrical dew, the color of the light
transmitted by a Wratten 18A filter (infra-red + ultra-violet, with no
visible light transmitted). Saturn & Mars move inward to stand
beside the pillar of fire like the red & black testicles of the
Maha lingam. The marbelized paths become the shell of the body of the
chalice -- providing passive background support & communication
among all of the Sephiroth.
The rim of the chalice then begins to
vibrate (like a wet finger rubbed along the rim of a crystal goblet
filled with fine wine) as a `mating call' to those who would drink from
the cup of initiation. The black Saturnian testicle represents the
in-drawing of sexual power during periods of silence, while the red
Martial testicle represents the outward surge of spontaneous orgasm
during periods of speech. The golden phallus transmits both of these
energies to the cup of Babalon, where it is structured & directed
by the twin haploid lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus) within the
menstruum of the trans-Abysal Lunar `fluid', called Purpura of Ghee --
a specialized form of Azoth. The royal road (purple network on the
solar Maha-Lingam) absorbs a portion of the Purpura of Ghee for the
education & enlightenment of the red and black testicles (whose
Office is to wear masks of imbalance upon the outer).
Who (Hu?) is to drink from this
chalice of ecstasy? Certainly not he who channeled its contents thru
the Spheres of the outer Order. Certainly not she who refined the
elixir by means of the feminine & masculine principles of Alchemy
and concentrated it within the cup of Babalon. We are often warned of
the dire consequences if the Whore of Babalon drinks from her own cup.
Who is to drink from this Chalice? Is it reserved for the Gods alone,
or are there also certain classes of mere mortals who may safely imbibe
its contents as well?
The Whore of Babalon shares her cup
with all, for she knows that no man may taste of its hidden delights
save thru the purity of his heart & the transparency of his soul.
The contents of her cup is the Elixir of Immortality of the Gods, yet
it may be drunk by anyone who is Fool enough to actively seek
initiation.
The rim Sephiroth are
transmitters/emitters of energy and modes of specialization. Drink from
each in turn, or all at once. The serpents channel, temper, &
skulpt the energy of the cup in accord with Will. Their venom is deadly, while their
kiss is ecstasy. The aspirant is the Dove who descends upon the cup
from beyond the microcosm of the Alchemist. He (the dove being active in approach
to the Cup is masculine, while the cup of the Chalice is Feminine)
bears the host (the army of his un-tempered desires & un-tested
aspirations) as a token `payment' for a taste of the dew of
immortality. The host transforms the cup even as the Dove is
transformed by her, for initiation is rarely one-way. * * *
More details gained while in
half-awake state after a phone call awoke me this morning (23 May,`84).
I was drifting back to sleep when images of the Chalice of Ecstacy
worked their way into my consciousness. I saw that the black & red
scrotal Sephiroth were concentrations derived from the Jachin/Boaz
pillars of the old Tree. The black sphere of Saturn embodies the
essence of Jachin (God makes him firm) as the outer symbol for the
formula of karezza. In this formula, the male ejaculatory current is
reversed & repeated stimulation causes a Saturnian in-drawing of
vital essence from the trans-Abyssal cup to nourish the Will. The red
sphere of Mars is the embodiment of Boaz (eagerness, strength) which
represents the spontaneous & auto-motive orgasm which is beyond the
conscious control of the Alchemist. Together they symbolize the formula
of IT (the un-manifest & manifest phallus) -- see Crowley's
comments on the Book of Lies.
I then began to see the Chalice on
other levels. The Chalice of Ecstacy is the fruit of the Tree of
initiation which is also a map of the esoteric nervous system of the
Magus. To those `outside' of the Magus's Universe, the Chalice appears
very feminine & passive (for they are unable to perceive the
dynamic Yin/Yang inner workings of the scrotum & Lingam). The aspirant is the male dove who
comes to drink the nectar of transformation. Thus, the members of the
outer Order are men, while the aspirants to the inner Order are women.
Those who have attained to the inner
Order embody both the Masculine virtues of the Outer Order, & the
Feminine virtues of the Second Order. The members of the trans-Abyssal
Third Order seek always for further initiation. They work continuously
to integrate new initiations into the fabric of their beings. They are
ever ready to offer what they have to those aspirants who desire to
drink of their Cup. The members of the Third Order are divine gynanders
-- those feminine emphatic androgynes who embody the quintessence of
the Alchemical Marriage. The substance of their Chalice is their
uniqueness which sets each of them apart from other members of the
Third Order. The contents of the Chalice is a distillation of Azoth --
the Universal Solvent. The body of the Alchemist must be inert to to
the actions of the Purpura of Ghee, else it will dissolve in ecstasy
& cease to manifest as a unique entity. However, the Alchemist
seeks always to expose h-im/er-self to the Azoth of other Chalices in
the hope that s/he may attain dissolution. The dynamic balance of the
testicles of Jachin & Boaz are crucial to this on-going task.
The developing symbolism in these
visions is wondrous to me, yet its practical application seems so
obvious to me that I feel I must be missing something. But, in the
interest of completeness, allow me to belabor the obvious.
The lower 2 spheres are a specialized
application of the energies of Mars & Saturn to the task of Sexual
Alchemy using the formulae of IT & Solvae et Coagula. The Golden
phallus of Tiphareth is the ego of the Alchemist made firm thru divine
inspiration & nourished by the absorption of a portion of the
elixir thru the purple nerve-net over its external surface. The body of
the chalice is the pyramid of the Master, turned inside-out to offer
the dew of immortality to all, rather than secreting it away like a
black brother. The twin lion-serpents (Mercury & Venus) are the
active (initiate) masculine & feminine components of the Alchemist
which act as independent self-motivated agents of the aspiring Ego (the
Star in its go-ing). The supernals (including Daa"th) delineate the
specialized nature of the cup of initiation which the Magus offers to
the world (i.e., h-is/er specialized Magickal Current), while the
Chalice is filled with the Universal solvent which initiates all who
dare to imbibe it. The Chalice is the glyph for both the Wand & the
Cup. Its rim is studded with the four elements and is thus the
embodiment of the integrated Magickian. The Chalice is both the Tree of
Life & the Cup of Babalon. It is the 3rd Order's symbol for that
which is called the Rosey-Cross by the Second Order. Aspirants to the
Third Order are warned never to drink from the Cup of Babalon, yet the
Magi of the Third Order subsist almost exclusively upon its contents.
Because of the universal nature of
the Chalice's elixir, an aspirant will rarely become a Master in the
image of his initiator. The contents of the Chalice is the precursor to
information (DNA, initiation into a specific Magickal Current, etc.),
rather than information itself. Purpura of Ghee is infinitely
transmutable by the Will of the aspirant in his journey from student to
Ipsissimus, and is (in this AEon) not influenceable by the Will of the
initiator.
This is a radical departure from
previous AEons in which the Master dictated & controlled the
development of initiation within the body/soul of the Aspirant. In the
previous AEon, the formula for the Master was the pyramid, symbolizing
the containment & the metering-out of the elixir of immortality.
The primamry vice of Masters who work the formula of the pyramid is
Simony -- the restriction of initiation for personal gain (acquisition
of wealth; consolidation of power over others who posses contrary
world-views; centralization & control-over prophesy/inspiration;
and the promulgation of unimpeachable dogma). The restriction of
initiation to pre-defined channels profits the power elite at the
expense of the Magickal Current itself. Corruption of the Alchemical
Chalice is the universal result of misapplication of the formula of the
Pyramid. A sure sign of such corruption is the silencing of those who
question authority (censorship of non-traditional views,
excommunication of heretics or removing them from positions of
authority, or {in extreme cases} torture & murder of those who dare
to ignore the promulgations of the power elite.
Those whose Will is to work with the
Chalice of Ecstasy have vowed to release all aspirants from any/all
requirements of patriotic fealty to us personally, to the Will of our
particular Current, and to any dogmas associated with our Magickal
Path. As initiators, we are an open channel of inspiration for all who
drink from our cup. We may offer specialized initiations &/or
courses of training, but it is up to each seeker to make of these
initiations what he will. We do our Will consciously and with full
responsibility for all of our actions and our non-actions. We do not
hide our ignorance behind the veil of secrecy, neither do we play the
role of humble servants who do but `follow the Will of the Secret
Chiefs'. Obligations between any student or
neophyte & any Master or Magus are always open to discussion, and
can have no `hidden strings' attached to them.
But this does not mean that Masters
are obligated to devote their lives to training students with no
recompense. Workers in any field of endeavor (be it magick, medicine,
architecture, or aught else) are deserving of compensation for their
efforts. An under-study, chela or apprentice must expect to carry-out
certain tasks &/or pay certain fees in exchange for training. As in
more mundane apprenticeships, the exact nature of the exchange is open
to discussion at any point along the Path. Apprenticeship training replaces the
life-long indentured servitude to enshrined Dogma which has long been
the hallmark of the pyramidal centralization of power practiced in the
previous AEon.
Magical Orders which continue to be
based upon the closed systems of the previous AEon will undoubtedly
oppose our efforts to cause the pyramid to flower. As we find more
& more ways to drink from their cups of initiation without becoming
bound to their obligations, our success will be a proof to all who are
drawn to us.
There are those who claim that it is
not possible to drink from any cup of initiation of the previous AEon
without being bound to its obligations. They choose to discard all ties with
the pyramidal Orders in order to forge links of their own with the
inner Order. In some cases, it may not be possible for individuals to
absolve themselves of their obligations to repressive Orders without
abnegating all initiation in the process. However, in most instances the
ingenious initiate is fully capable of freeing h-im/er-self from the
restrictive bonds of pyramidal Orders without breaking any oaths. The
demonstration of the proof of this theorem is left as an exercise for
those who aspire to Mastership thru the use of this formula.
Previous AEons have been governed by
a LOGOS, or Word which when uttered by the Ipsissimus of the AEon
served to mold all Currents of that AEon to the pattern of the LOGOS.
The previous AEonic formula was that of Patriarchy. Assertion of the
right of man to rule woman was practiced in China as much as it was by
the Church of Rome. The Matriarchal AEon before that was little
different, save in the `flavor' of its Dogma. However, in this AEon, those who have
thus far attained the right to utter the LOGOS of the AEon have refused
to do so. Those who have become Masters in this AEon are therefore
bound to no particular AEonic formula, but are free to work with
whatever formula(e) is/are aligned with the Current which it is their
Will to transmit/reify.
At this nexus of Space/Time/Alternity
there is healthy competition among myriad non-exclussive AEonic
formulae, with much cross-fertilization among heretofore contradictory
Currents. But cross-initiation is strictly voluntary and is not
necessitated by the LOGOS of this AEon. Specialized Currents often require
isolation & silence to incubate in fullness. During incubation,
they may appear to be practicing the diseased isolation of the black
brothers. However, such may not be the case. Only time & the success or
failure of a particular formula can attest to its efficacy. We are in
an AEon where everyone can aspire to his/her own LOGOS. Let us do so in
concert with all of our fellow Magi.
finis.
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz
PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for TUESDAY the 08th Day of MAY, 1984
e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,829.06> Moon being 8.0 Days old. [1:30pm]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole
of the Law.
On my little excursion the other
night I met a deer. It may have been a stag, but I am not sure because
I think that the stags lose their horns this time of year. It was on
the road & I stopped the car. We sniffed each other out &
touched noses, before the deer decided that it had better things to do.
My meeting with the deer was
exhilarating, but did little to quiet my restlessness. When I returned
from the store, I went to bed.
Not much dream memories on Sunday
morning, except at the very end of my sleep. My dream crystal had
gone-off by itself & was inaccessible to my physical self. I
`found' the crystal (on Monday night) wedged between my mattress &
the wall -- in a place where I know I had searched for it a few days
earlier. Now that it has returned from its journey. I now have regained
much strong consciousness of my dream life. I often wonder where
crystals `go' when they seemingly evaporate from this reality. Oh
Shinnah says they are `hiding', but I feel that there is more to the
mystery than simple pranks. Such mysteries need more information. In
the meantime, here is what I remember of my Sunday morning dream.
In my dream I was on the sandy shore
of a great sea. Long grass grew in the sand. There was an old temple,
seemingly abandoned, surrounded by unkempt lawns & gardens. Wild
goats grazed the grass & a stag (the one I met on the way to town?)
stood off on a nearby hilltop. I attempted to walk to the temple, but
the grass restrained my legs & prevented me from approaching any
closer. The restraint was not the mindless tangle of earthly
vegetation, but the cooperative effort of many simple minds working
cooperatively for a distinct purpose (like ants or cluster flies). The grass did not halt me when I
retreated back to the shoreline.
Then I noticed that whenever a goat
entered the sea, it turned into a fish -- not all at once, but front to
back. The goat would go to the edge of the water & kneel its
forelegs down & put its face & front end in the water. As the
wet portions turned into a fish, it would thrust-off from the beach
with its hind legs (like a man launching a dingy from a beach) &
complete the transition. The entire operation was both fast &
smooth, with no awkwardness or hesitation. All that was left of the
goat was a beard & curly horns on the fish.
Fish were also coming out of the sea.
First they would approach the beach from underwater & beach
themselves with their heads held high out of the water. As the gentle
waves retreated from their bodies, their heads & forelegs became
those of goats. The goats would then pull themselves onto the beach
with their forelegs & (once out of the sea) the transition would be
completed. Although the goats & fish were of vastly different size,
the transition did not look in the least bit ludicrous or implausible.
These goat-fish reminded me more of
Neptune than of Capricorn as I watched their actions. I then remembered
Don's Tree & its attribution of Neptune to Binah. I wished I could
remember which 3 Paths accessed this Realm in Don's system so I could
look for clues of the gateways.
I looked up at the Sea & saw a
far-off island with a mountain of crystal enshrouded in mists. A large
metallic gold Trident seemed to `grow' out of the peak of the mountain
like some sort of Atlantean sky-scraper. The symbol reminded me of the
"Wealth Crystalizes the Humm / the Humm Crystalizes Wealth" sigil I
have been using in my VIIIo workings.
I was intrigued by the island &
wanted to journey there to explore it, but (since other mysteries lay
closer to hand) I was far more interested in getting to the abandoned
temple. Somehow I knew that I was responsible for holding myself back
from reaching it. I somehow felt `to blame' for its state of disrepair
& abandonment. The state of the temple grounds was particularly
disturbing to me. I knew I needed peace within myself before further
exploration would be possible, so I sat down to discover answers thru
meditation.
As I sat down in the grass to
meditate on my place in all of this, the grass gently picked me up
& transported me to the entranceway of the temple. In some ways, I
felt honored to be treated so regally by the noble grass, yet I also
somehow expected such treatment because of my rank <"& the
angels bear him up, lest he dash his foot against a stone">.
As I was borne to the temple on the
backs of the grass, I became more & more at peace with myself. I
was still troubled by why I should feel responsible for a place which I
had never seen before, so I followed the thread of my disease.
At first I thought that my link with
this temple might be cause-&-effect via my physical home -- that is
to say, I felt that this place was allegorical of the state of
disrepair & lack of maintenance which I accord to my physical
dwelling. But I somehow felt that the link was not so straight forward.
Somehow the 2 temples are analogous, but neither is allegorical of the
other.
It is not my present task to maintain
the earth (physical plane) at this nexus of Space/Time, for I am a
storyteller whose task is to explore the realms of vision &
report-back to the rest of the race -- but this could change in an
instant if I chose to undertake a different aspect of the Great Work.
The apparent crumbling of both of these temples is but an illusion
based upon a skewness to my perspective. Even as I look at both temples
more closely (for I can perceive both levels of reality at once), their
integrity seems more wholesome & I am more & more at peace with
the dance of Maya.
I am in an open temple -- not much
more than a courtyard paved with large stones, with widely-spaced
pillars supporting a high vesica shaped roof. Near the center of the
temple (at one of the elipse's foci) stands a very large shallow grail
(like a large birdbath {aprox.5 ft. across} made of polished stone
{black marble veined gold) balanced on a short pedestal shaped like a
golden mushroom. The cup is far too large & unwieldy to lift, but
it nonetheless has a pair handles made of goat horn. As I approach the cup, it appears to
be filled to the brim with a seething effervescent broth which both
attracts and repels me at the same time.
As I focused on why I should not
drink the potion (the contents of the cup of Babalon is not for
consumption by mortal men), the more I wanted to drink of it. It
smelled sweet & invigorating & I somehow knew that this cup
contained the dew of immortality.
But the more I focused on why I
should drink the brew (this is my dream & I can do whatever I
please in my own fantasy world), the more repulsive the cup became. Its
contents smell of vomit & decay and I saw both maggots & turds
floating on its surface.
The goats & the stag were
watching me curiously from the perimeter of the temple. I looked toward
the stag & noticed that he was standing by a circular staircase
which wound around one of the columns up to the roof. I looked up at
the high roof & saw that directly over the grail was a yonic
opening decorated with pearls.
I climbed the stairs & walked out
on the high roof. A gentle breeze was blowing & the whole temple
swayed <I always find it remarkable that my `normal' extreme vertigo
& acro- phobia is completely absent in most dreams.> I went to
the edge of the yoni (it was even more ornately decorated along the top
edge) & knelt at a kind of bench which suspended me over the hole.
The bench has padded depressions for
my knees & elbows. The whole affair pivots with changes in my body
weight to shift me from a kneeling position at the edge of the hole, to
hanging face-down over the center of the hole. I knew that the bench
responds to the slightest shift in my center of gravity & is
therefore much more attuned to my Will than my conscious actions (much
like a dowser's forked stick or pendulum). I knew that my Will would
either bring me back to the safety of the roof, or dump me into the
grail (from a height of 100 meters), and my conscious fears &/or
struggles would only hinder my chances of survival.
So I relaxed & enjoyed the view.
The grail was tiny below me, yet I could still see it quite clearly.
Its roiling contents looked absolutely repulsive. Yet, the odor
drifting up to me was absolutely enchanting. I knew that if I closed my
eyes, the seductive quality of the odors would lure me to `let go' and
I would slide down into its depths. Such a fate would not really be
very terrible, for the intoxication of being the cup is a great reward
for those who seek a release from the trials & tribulations of this
world. However, I have much I still need to explore, & release from
my task is not my Will at this point in time.
Then I remembered Jason & how he
was able to listen to the sounds of the Sirens & live. I stared at
the hell broth & focused on its repellant nature & my revulsion
quickly shifted the bench out of the orifice & back up to the roof.
I took off my traveler's pack & used its straps to secure my legs
to the bench. Then I allowed myself to shift forward over the hole once
again. I closed my eyes & drank-in the narcotic allure of the grail
with my nose. I felt myself slipping forward, but I no longer cared
whether I lived or died. I simply sought union with the object of my
desire. When I felt the tug of the straps around my ankles, I knew that
my scheme had worked. I hang suspended between the worlds.
Behind my closed eyelids I saw a
mist. Fleeting images scampered by at the direction of my unconscious
urgings. I tried an experiment. I `projected' the Cheshire cat from
Alice onto the mist. The face appeared first, then the rest of its
body. The cat spoke to me "Ah Dodson, it has been a long time hasn't
it?" I chuckled & the cat became startled when it realized that I
was not Dodson. It then peered at me intently & turned into the
hookah smoking catipilar who asked "Who are you?" I smiled back &
returned the question "Yea, verily HU??" (by this time, I was quite
giddy from the fumes of the grail below & was quite willing to make
puns on who/HU in order to test the caterpillar's reactions).
The caterpillar was not pleased at my
blasphemic punning & began to menace me with venomous mandibles. I
opened one eye to superimpose the image of the grail upon the
caterpillar. He shrieked in terror & begged be to close my eye,
lest he plunge to extinction. I acquiesced he became most intrigued at
how I managed to maintain that precarious position of illusion.
I chuckled & told him of how I
tied my ankles to the bench. He was most impressed & gave me a
token whereby I might pass thru the realm of the red queen un-molested.
[the token looked like one of those brass coins used at video arcades
instead of real money to minimize pilfering.] He then offered me a bit
of the mushroom which he was sitting on. [I placed it into my flask to
add to my in-vitro entheogens for the up-coming gathering.]
He asked me again who I was & I
told him that I had many names in many places, but did not really know
how to answer him in a way which would not be misleading. It was the
caterpillar's turn to chuckle now. He looked deep into my soul &
saw that I was indeed a Thelemic pilgrim on a nameless quest. He then
took on the form of the Cheshire cat once again & declared that I
must be one of the wizards of Oz he has heard so much about.
Then I awoke in my bed, with only
scant memories of the dream. It is amazing how the writing of a dream
will cause me to re-live it & thereby aid me to retell it. The
peculiar weave of tenses from past to present & back to past again
in retelling the tale is an indication of the complex weave of
retelling the tale & re-living it. The weave would be even more
complex had I not consciously attempted to keep it all `in the past'.
Were this a proper story (rather than a diary entry) I would probably
re-write the whole tale in the present tense to add immediacy &
impact for the reader.
Experiencing of dream while awake is
most unlike the dream while asleep. While asleep, each conscious choice
opens certain possibilities, while closing others (either I swam to the
trident mountain or I went to the temple of the grail, but not both at
the `same' time), but in my wakeful state, I can see that all pathways
remain open no matter which set of choices I make at any given
juncture. Each dream is infinite & what I report in this record is
but the smallest fragment of what has actually transpired. I follow
those threads which seem most interesting or the most entertaining. But
all alse is equally valid.
Structured initiation seems to be
involved with making a continuous set of choices leading to a
particular `goal' (usually predetermined by tradition or the guidance
of an external guide). At the moment, I have no particular goal in
sight. I simply explore -- & create in my explorations. On one
level I know that immersion in the grail means an end of my
consciousness. Yet, on another (equally valid) level I know that the
grail is simply a portal (possibly one-way) to another world (possibly
another Sephiroth). For now, I use the power of this Grail to reify
dreams, but soon I must use it to bring such dreams back to this plane
so that I can continue my work without interference.
* * *
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz
PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for WEDNESDAY, the 09th Day of MAY, 1984
e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,829.11> Moon being 8.05 Days old. [2:35pm]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole
of the Law.
Troubled night with tumultuous
dreams. Even though I feel worn-out & bedraggled, I do feel better.
Fear of wrestling with a dragon is always so much worse than the actual
wrestling match. Dream images lack full clarity, but they feel
powerful. I shall dip back down into them to see what I can draw-forth
I am in a very large mansion (which
is also a fancy hotel) with Anne & a man whom I do not know. He is
a friend (or lover) of Anne's. I am somewhat uncomfortable for Anne
seems to want me to leave, yet she also wants mo to stay. We are in a
huge bathroom with a bath tub enclosed with glass doors. The tub is big
enough for several people. Anne does not want me to bathe with her, yet
she keeps telling me that I need to take a bath & I "had better
hurry".
I see a second bathtub. It appears to
belong to the people at the health club next door. I begin to close the
door to the health club (for solitude & for quiet when a brown
pussycat wants to come in. I fear a fight between this cat &
Beezelbub (our cat) so I continue to close the door. A young man
assures me that their mascot is very friendly & will cause no
problems. I let the cat in.
In another aspect of the dream I am
talking with one of the permanent residents of this house. He is a
stereotypical English Lord of some sort. He asks me what connection I have to
"the family". I tell him that we share a common ancestor & that my
father's uncle is his uncle's father. He looks a bit bewildered & then
beams at me & exclaims that I must be related to the "ship's
Pharoh", by which he means the ancient ship chronometer which has been
missing for quite a number of years.
Although I do not see how I can be a
descendant of a clock, I reply in the affirmative (for it does have a
ring of truth to it).
In the big bathroom is a large glass
bell, made of a thick blue glass which makes a marvelous tone when
struck with a leather headed wooden mallet. The bell is shaped like a
squid & is about 4 ft. long. When I am preparing my bath (on the
athletic club's side of the bathroom) I see that someone (Anne??) has
made a mess of the big bath tub. All the glass panels are askew &
water is leaking everywhere. I attempt a fix, but I really do not
understand how the various panels & curtain rods go together. Anne is upset with me for attempting
to fix "her project". I leave her to her own devices to take my bath. I
am saddened by our interactions, but am unable to find a workable
solution other than steering clear of her until she does what needs
doing.
I find a second glass bell like unto
the first. But this one has a broken mouth & has been drilled out
to accept various electric wires & lamp fixtures. This bell is
sentient & is vicious towards me. It keeps biting me about the
hands. I find a stick & place in in the bell's mouth to give it
something to chew on. Its viciousness subsides. Perhaps it was only
teething.
I am down by the waterfront in a
poverty neighborhood frequented by sailors, smugglers, hookers, &
cut-purses. It is foggy. I cannot see the water, although I hear it
lapping against the nearby pier. I am here to meet a sailor who may
have information about the ancient chronometer which I seek. I describe
the device to him without naming it.
"It is a squat vertical cylinder made
of brass sitting on a platform meant to be bolted in place in the
wheelhouse. It is covered by a deep parabolic glass dome to protect it
from the weather. It has no clock hands like a modern chronometer, but
has a series of perforated metal disks thru which one sights the stars.
The perforated disks are attached to the vertical side of the central
cylinder tangent to its curved surface."
The sailor immediatly knew that I was
describing the Pharoh. He had once (long ago) been on the ship which
relied on the Pharoh to guide it, but the ship had sunk. He thought the
Pharoh had been taken off the wreck & brought to Castle Trident
atop the crystal mountain.
The sun had been rising as we spoke.
The mists began to clear & I saw the island from my previous dream.
I knew where I was & I knew that
I was in dreamland. I took the blue glass bell (the one with the broken
mouth & electric wiring) from under my trench coat, unwrapped it
& placed it in the sea. It turned into a blue bottle dolphin who
began to swim round & round the bay, making the most musical sounds
I had ever heard. The water soon frothed & seethed with activity as
hundreds of dolphins congregated to hear the tale of the dolphin who
had been turned into a bell & then a lamp.
One of the dolphins approached me
& began to speak. I could not understand her words so I spat into
her open mouth (a trick I once The learned from the King of Serpents).
The dolphin immediately understood my intentions & spat back into
my mouth. We then kissed deeply & I became sexually aroused. She
drew me into the water & we became as one. While we fucked, she
dove deep into the sea & leapt high into the air. We both climaxed
together & lay together on the surface of the gentle sea. Other
members of her clan communicated our combined elixir from her vagina
with their tongues.
As we now spoke a common tongue, my
lover asked me how I came to their harbor & whence I was going. I
told her of the crystal mountain & of the Pharoh I hoped to find in
Castle Trident. She asked if I could swim to the island & I asked
her how far away the island was from the bay. She replied that her
people went there often when men fished the shore of the great sea (to
avoid competing with them for fish). The trip usually took her people
13 days.
I replied that I was able to swim for
several hours at a time, but such a trip was beyond my endurance. I
asked her about those who live on the island (their race, temperament,
etc.) and whether they had regular commerce with the men of this port.
She replied that the beings who lived
on that central island kept to themselves, but were not hostile to
anyone. They did not fish the sea, neither did they engage in commerce,
save to deal with certain ships which regularly brought them unusual
items in return for life-restoring unguents & potions.
Dolphin sonar does not work above
water & their eyesight is poor, so she was unable to give me much
information about the race which lived on the island. She offered to
transport me there, but as I needed dry passage for the Pharo, I
declined her kind offer. I asked her if any of the ships which traded
with the island were now in port & she pointed one out to me.
I went back to the mansion to bid my
goodbyes & to seek out the old Lord to ask him about Castle
Trident. He informed me that the only way to gain acces to the castle
was to bring a rare object to trade with them. None had ever seen the lords of
Castle Trident in pepson save their personal messengers (who appeared
to be human). The messengers would not speak of anything but the
business of barter `twixt human & the keepers of the Castle.
I asked if the keepers were honest
& what kind of objects they sought. My cousin told me that the keepers
had no interest in "that which could be purchased for gold or obtained
by a common thief".
I looked for Anne, but was told that
she had left with first light. Some said that she had traveled
inland, while others told me that she was following a waking vision
toward the Island in the center of the Sea.
Armed with this information, I sought
out captain Diogenes of the ship Arestes' Misfortune in the tavern
called the One-Eyed Trout to discuss a plan with him which would get me
to the keepers with a prize which would enable me to bargain with them
face-to-face.
Fascinating how the imagery in my
dreams seem to layer one upon the other. What began as one of those
incomprehensible streams of dream images has resolved itself into
another dream in the same cycle as the other night. I feel like I am
still suspended over the cauldron of dissolution in another part of the
same dream, but my consciousness has moved to a more active aspect of
myself so that the seer can attain the motility of the doer without
giving-up the power of projecting Will into the dream cauldron.
I note in passing that this afternoon
a little neighbor girl came by looking for her lost cat. The
description matches the cat in the earlier portion of my dream.
Intriguing how time folds back on itself in such literal ways in
dreamland.
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz
PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for TUESDAY the 29th Day of MAY, 1984
e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,850.06> Moon being 29.00 Days old. [1:30pm]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole
of the Law.
Time to get to my dreams.
In one dream, 0-Maku & I were
looking for a cheaper house to live-in. We were selling the apartment
building & the Humm did not have its own place in the country.
0-Maku had located a house which was within our price range ($45,000)
& wanted me to go see it soon so we could put down a purchase
offer. Bill Gafney (our contractor form the apartment house) overheard
our conversation & asked 0-Maku about the location of the house. When she described the place to him,
he told us that the house had been purchased less than a year ago by
the present owner for under $3,000 & that he had spent about $4,000
to fix it up. We were both shocked by the extremely low price. I was
determined to offer $7,500 for the house & bargain from
there. Secretly, I wondered what could be wrong with the place.
The house was very small on the
outside, but inside, it was a mansion. It was built into the side of a hill
on the edge of the Long Island Sound. Although the water was far to poluted
to swim-in, it smelled fresh & exhilirating. The bedrooms had large
balconies facing the sea, with spiral concrete railings like
giant snail shells. I was fascinated by a large fireplace in a room
with wrought iron doors with brass handles. It reminded me very much of
a a house I never had.
On another level, I suspected that I
was dreaming. I was unable to get to either the basement or the upper
floor. One of the bedrooms was occupied by a teenage girl who didn't
bother to put any clothes on when I came in. I jokingly asked if she
came with the house & she replied that she prefered to come with
people. The real estate woman sighed & told me that the teenage
girl was a nymphomaniac ghost who was the reason for the extremely low
cost of the house, for no woman could "hold onto her man" with
"competition like this" around all the time. I turned to the spirit of
the house & asked if she were jealous if her male lovers had other
relationships. She replied that she was not in the least bit
possessive or clingy, & that she had no need to compete for
affections. I asked the spirit of the house if she would be
willing to show me past the illussion which shrouded the house like a
veil of cowbwebs.
She stood before me in her innocent
nakedness & asked me if I knew who she was. I replied that I did
not. She picked up a quartz crystal from the table beside her bed
& gently rubbed it in the dew between her legs. She handed the crystal to me &
told me to do "whatever came naturally". I smiled at her reverentially
& sniffed the crystal's electric wetness. The scent of it made my
limbs quake. I then kissed the crystal & drank in its
essence. The house & my surroundings disapeared completely.
I was standing with Adrea on the
drawbridge of a large castle carved from crystal. Before us was a
delegation from the castle. They were tall, lean, & very pale (sort
of a yellowy-gray) with high domed bald heads & skeletal hands
(with exadurated digital pads). They looked at me serenly & asked
why I had come to them. I asked what they knew of the changes in the
lower Tree. They smiled serenly, nodded to one another, & invited
me to enter the castle gates. Adrea & I followed our guides into
the palace as our human companions brought in our precious cargo.
As we walked, Adrea gave me a candy
to calm my nerves & focus me into this reality. The `candy' was a
small emerald which had been bathed in the dew of her crotch. As the
`candy' dissolved in my mouth, the reality of the Crystal Castle also
dissolved. I remembered (& began to re-live) my quest for a captain
& a good ship to sail me to the crystal island & the Trident
castle.
After convincing the captain that I
really knew of a way to procure the Gateway of the Cup of Dreams, we
set-sail for the abandonded temple guarded by the goat-fish & the
grass of the AEons. That other aspect of me was still suspended over
the Gateway when we arrived. He dreamed of our coming & thus made
our passage easy. When we arrived, none of the ship's company
would dare approach the Gateway, even though the grass allowed our
passage. They all feared the seductive nature of the Grail & the
one-way nature of that Gateway.
I went to the roof alone, &
pulled my other self back from his place of dreaming. As always,
he awoke without protest & greeted me cheer- fully. He addressed me as his uncle &
asked if his cousin Sue would be joining us. I laughed at his strange
perspective as we climbed down from the roof & approached the
Grail. We called to the captain & crew to join us, but they
were still afraid. A great red bull who walked like a man came from the
fields & stood with us at the Grail. My nephew knew him as BAJ
& introduced us to each other.
All began to shift as memories
tumbled over one another. I had a difficult time sorting-out who `I'
was. BAJ laughed loudly at our/my consternation & reached into the
Grail to remove a fist-sized pearl which had floated to the surface.
He pointed at my younger self &
stated "For this working, thou art AIR, starry-eyed gazer upon the
Mysteries NU. None doubt your visions, yet most council against their
too-hasty application".
He pointed at himself & continued
"I am the Child of Earth, the God of all pleasures physical. For this
role have I studied hard. Let it be hoped that the time is now as
propitious as our young friend believes!"
Pointing at me, he sighed "For better
or worse, thou art the Fire Carrier of divine inspiration. Thou art
lazy, obstinant & unreasonably impractical. Thou art able to see
thru the visions & fables of your younger self," [pointing to AIR]
"but (for the most part), choose not to -- for the sake of Art! In thy
hands is the power to bargain for the fate of an AEon. Your
dis-connectedness to the consequences of your actions keeps you honest,
though I do wish the task at hand permitted us to unify our
consciouness more fully. "
"And this", he stated with much
ceremony, as he held up the dewy pearl, "is our externalized
Emotional self -- the unbalanced symbol for our quest of internalized
stability, and (for us) the key to an end of the cycles of AEons."
The pearl began to grow & to
glow. It left the hand of Earth & took her place at the Western
Gate of Heaven. The pearl disolved in waves of heavenly music &
fragrences. Adrea (or Sue {depending on one's perspective})
became manifest among us. Together we joined hands around the cauldron
& began the spiral dance inward & outward to absorb the grail
& its contents within the fabric of our being. The viewpoint of
this tale shifted again & again. We became the gems on the rim of
the Chalice of Ecstacy. As BAJ, I channeled energies thru Jupiter at
the Throne of Daa"th. As Adria, I oversaw the mysteries of the Trident
of SET from the Throne of Binah. As my younger self, the dreamer, I
wielded the energies of Uranus, the Magus from the Throne of Chokmah.
As my older self, I channeled the fire of the Gods (Starlight focused
thru Sothis onto Pluto/Yuggoth) from the Throne at Kether. Yet, all 4
Thrones were equal. None was `above' or
`more-advanced-than' the others. These 4 thrones formulate the rim of
the Chalice of Ecstacy. From below Tiphareth, the upper Tree appears
heirarchical, but such is the illussion caused by the gravitational
distortions of Sol & our own mamallian heritage.
I know not where to take this vision.
All is illussion & the more `sense' I try to make of my images, the
more I am biasing my writing with self-generated drivvel. Semantics
& theories & orderly progression of thoughts seem lost in a sea
of nonsense. I project characters outside of myself in an effort to
gain perspective, yet by being in more than one place at once, I lose
all perspective altogether. I must center.
I draw my consciousness to a point
& draw it into the Challice. I am a pearl of brass resting at the
bottom of the Chalice of Ecstacy. The head of my penis protrudes into
the bowl of the cup from `below'. I am at the center of gravity of this
Tree/Chalice, hovering above Tiphareth & below the Supernals. Venus
& Mercury spin their DNA tellegraph/time- travel around me. I am
enmeshed at a locus in time, yet not bound by it. Kenetic energy = Potential energy,
& I am at the fulcrum of the Universe. The feather of Maat spins on the pan
of balance. My breath will upset the balance. It is not my will to hold
back by breath forever. I have hidden the Logos from my conscious self
so I am beyond the temptation to utter it. I am disgruntled that I do
not trust myself completely. I am tempted to just go back to
sleep & forget the whole thing. Then I remember death, pain &
the regret which comes from dreams which are not permitted to come to
fruition. To often has the race of planet-borne been afraid to dream. Such fears are all based upon the
practical reali- ties of the test which we have set-up for ourselves.
Today is a day of self-induced
beffuddlement. I have broken-off the writing of this entry many times
in an effort to center thru meditation. Yet, the Work-at-Hand seems to
require a splintering of consciousness which does not lend itself to
accurate reporting. My diary entry is cannot help but be a projection
of my lower ego so long as my higher self is fragmented. But by running
my c.p.u. (central processing unit) in parallel, I gain access to the
gestalt which can affect change as well as simply observe it. I
run into Heisenberg's quandry. Close observation leads to influencing
the observed phenomena. To be more to the point, how can I mutate a
framework if I am internal to that framework. If the experimenter is
not impartial, how can he keep his tinkerings impartial. Of course, he cannot. I do seek to
tinker, yet I also seek to enjoy the fruits of my tinkerings. Unlike
Moses, I seek to enter the Promised Land as well as guide others to its
gates. I am the Gate & the Guardian thereof, yet I am also that who
approaches the Gateway & the Path on which he strideth.
I rant & I rave like a madman,
yet in my madness there is a kind of frenetic calm. I indulge in
non-linear sensory overload in hopes of finding a foot-hold in a
maelstrom. I need to break from this attempt to communicate in this
record. The task of dancing round the Supernal rim of the Chalice of
Ecstacy is more than I can presently handle. I must shift that task out
of linear Space/Time so I do not become so beffuddled at my
alternating perspectives.
I focus my conscioussness as Hadit,
wearing the Godform of a brass marble spinning round the rim of the
Chalice of Ecstacy. I will it to slow down & drop to the bottom of
the cup. An aspect of me comes to rest at center, yet other aspects of
me continue to dance round the rim. I shall bury my head in some
computer math books & then try to get some sleep. I shall report
again when I am more collected.
Love is the law, love under will.
Here ends the entry in the Magickal
Record of Frater OTz PTN-690/PVN for WEDNESDAY, the 30th Day of MAY,
1984 e.v., [3:45am] Being the 9th Day of ATHYR, Year 4,753 (Sothic
reckoning)
finis.
* * *
Here begins the entry in Frater OTz
PTN--690/PVN's Magickal Record for THURSDAY, the 31th Day of MAY, 1984
e.v.,<JULIAN DAY No.2,445,851.56> Moon being 00.97 Days old. [1:30am]
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole
of the Law.
Strange convolutions yesterday. I am
much more centered in the here-&-now today. Peraps some words of
explanation are in order here (although I must admit that I am
tempted to simply delete yesterday's entry & invoke the
Godform of Harpocrates!).
The initiatory cycle which I am
currently working in pertains to a Grade which I am not really able to
manifest yet. The formulae which are spin-offs from the Working are
communicable to all & are applicable to the here-&-now. But
when I attempt to tap-into the initiatory process itself, I become lost
(un-sane), especially when attempting to be both `in my body' as a
witness to the event & `up the planes' where the initiatory cycle
is actually occurring. It is very difficult for me to be an `objective'
reporter, when the initiation is occurring in an arena where objects
(such as myself) do not really exist & even the act of observation
itself becomes an impedement to the smooth flow of the Working. Rather
than attempt accurate `reporting' on what transpires (or will
transpire) during that initiatory cycle, let me simply mention one of
its more disturbing (to me anyway) corolaries.
Whether my observations are valid
within the context of this AEonic formula, I know not. Suffice to say
that if/when the Chalice of Ecstacy is functioning properly. the upper
realms of the Tree (Kether, Chokmah, Binah, & Daa"th)cease to
behave like seperate entities & become much more like
self-reinforcing energy fields (perhaps like Nuit's "non-atomic
continuity"). Distinctions in Time/Space/Heirarchy become very blurred. The Offices associated with these
Spheres are co-valent rather than distinct thrones in a heirerarchal
structure.
From my limited perspective I
experienced each Office as one of the 4 elements of the God-level self,
yet the attributions to the elements are not discrete. Any system of
attribution is just as valid as any other. They all work, yet none of them works
fully without the others. When the Chalice of Ecstasy is functioning,
one cannot assume the Grade of Master, without also assuming the other
3 Grades as well. To be both dispersed in `the Abyss' &
functioning as an Ipsissimus is difficult for me to imagine (much less
put into words) from my `in-body' perspective. Yet, I know that such is
but a small part of the apparent contradictions which I must resolve if
I am to reify this initiatory cycle into my present nexus of
Space/Time/Alternity. In some ways, I wish I felt I had sufficient
`balance' to bring psychedelics to this Working. But I do not. There
are times (like now) that I am glad that I have had the past-experience
of such drugs, but I also know that their application is not universal.
I am like a spinning top -- I am able to whirl faster & faster only
in so far as I am able to maintain balance.
