ChRySTAL Visions thru the Astral Mirror (II)
by Alobar
(PVN)
[Here begins
excerpt from
Diary entry of 21 February, 1983 e.v.]
Went back to bed
after last entry (I am fighting off
a cold) & spent
much time thinking about my letter to
Frater ___. As I lay between
sleep &
mundane reality, I began to feel a
presence of power flow about me like
a
warm & welcome shroud. I
was very aware of a nostalgic
longing for the
mystical reality in which there is no
seperation between myself &
the rest
of the Universe.
I invoked the
god-form of PAN(NH) as used by me
during my second
successful practice of Liber
Astarte. PAN(NH) is the ultimate
vessel of
the Universe. S/He contains the
body of Nuit within H-is/er round
belly.
My merge with the godform was not
complete, but it did give me a
perspective from which to view the
Universe.
I saw the body of
NUIT from the outside.
Within the continuous arch
of her body was the absolute void of
which interstellar space is but
the
palest shadow. But the void was
not empty, for it contained the
myriad
twinkles of the sisterhood of
Stars. [I realize as I write this
that a
void which is not empty is
contradictory in this mundane reality of
Malkuth, but from the viewpoint of my
vision, there was no
contradiction.]
I was reminded of Crowley's Star
Sponge vision & briefly wished he
were
with me in the flesh so that we could
compare & contrast our
individual
perspectives.
In the center of
the Void was a gigantic Star which
appeared to be the
pivot point of the Universe. I
knew instictively that it was the
fountainhead of the Order which lies
beyond Dath. As I watched, the
Star went Nova & spewed its
star-stuff throughout the
Multiverse. It
was as if the Hadit point of the
Order had experienced the ultimate
orgasm
which destroyed its individuality
completely. The star-stuff
expanded
outward to embrace the Universe &
to Unite with the body of
NUIT. As each
of the little stars passed through
the cloud of star-stuff, it absorbed
as
much of it as it was able. As
each of the stars absorbed the
ejaculation
from the Hadit-point, it became
self-aware.
NOTE: [Before I get too much further
in this little account of my
vision,
I should point out that all that I
write is allegory and analogy.
What I
`saw' took place in a realm which is
beyond time & space and is
therefore
very difficult to speak of directly
using the mundane languages of this
planet which were designed to speak
of sensory reality. When I
speak of
stars or planets or comets, I should
not be construed to be speaking of
astronomical reality. I simply
utilize what images I can to
convey a
certain `feeling' for what I
perceived. I do not wish to quibble
over
linear details of my words, for my
words are not my vision.]
I saw that each of
the stars were alive & that
each moved independ-
ently of the others, yet in their
motion was harmony. Because of
the
infussion of the jism from the
Haditpoint, each believed itself to be
the
center of the Universe. Each
star was correct, yet each was also
in error
-- for each Star is indeed the center
of its own Universe, but insofar
as
each Star is unable to perceive other
Stars as also being the center of
the Universe, it is also in
error. For the Stars themselves are
not
stationary centers, but in constant
motion. The dynamic pattern
formed
from the interaction of all the Stars
in the Universe is the true
center
of the Body of NUIT.
I saw that the
stars were not equal in their
self-awareness, nor were
they equal in their ability to
perceive their place within the pattern
of
the whole. All contained the
seed of initiation from the
Hadit-point, yet
most seemed uninterested in nurturing
the growth of this seed.
From my perspective, I
saw that the dance of the Stars was
an
initiatory pattern which nurtured
that aspect of the essence of the
Fountainhead of the Order which
exists within each of the Stars.
But I also saw all
dances as transitory. Each dance
of interaction was
capable of initiation, yet no one
dance could fully embrace the
totality
of the Universal experience. I
saw/perceived many intertwining
themes
repeat themselves endlessly as the
spiral dances of the Stars sought to
reify the Fountainhead of the Order
within the personal experience of
each
& every individual Star.
But as I looked
closer & closer I saw that the
Stars were not alone in
the Universe. Most stars had
one or more dark companions, whose
Will was
to follow an intricate orbit about
the parent Star. Such dark
companions
sometimes impeded the orbital dance
of the parent stars, for their
dance
was not yet graceful enough to fully
compliment the dance of the
stars.
It was in those stystems where the
orbits of the planets were freeest
that
the stars were least impeded.
When a parent star grew
old & finally went nova, it
would spew out its
star-stuff to those in orbit around
it in a microcosmic reenactment of
the primal orgasm. Some of the
dark planets would then become
stars on
their own, while others would choose
another star to follow. I
also saw
certain comets which were attached
but loosly to a particular star;
they
spent much of their time in a complex
orbit among various stars in the
same neighborhood.
But here my attempts to
communicate this vision begin to
break down,
for most of these comets were also
stars in their own right, whose
dance
took them through the orbital plane
of several other stars.
When these comets were
in close proximity to another star,
they shone
as brightly as the brighest of them,
but when they were far from any of
their companion stars, they took on
the appearance of the coldest
planet.
Perhaps in this phase
they might be likened to the Hermits
spoken of in
Liber AL vel Legis. It seemed to be
the purpose of these wandering
stars to disrupt the orbital patterns
of those overly inert planets who
seem to hinder the dance of the
stars.
From where I stood, it
seemed to me that those steller
systems which
were visited most frequently by the
cometary wanderers were the systems
with the highest concentration of the
life essence from the primal
orgasm.
In some way which I cannot put into
words, these wandering stars
regenerated the stable stars so that
they could keep up the pace of
their
intricate dance for far longer before
they would grow old & go
nova.
These wandering stars
had no planets of their own (nor did
they desire
any), but they did travel in the
company of other wandering stars,
which
were neither stars nor planets in any
conventional sense of the
word. It
is the function of these wandering
stars to induce planets into
Starhood
by unconventional methods.
My perspective
shifted once again & I was able
to see that each &
every star, planet & comet was
involved in a complex dance within
the body
of NUIT. The center of the
circle is nowhere found, yet it could
easily
be deduced from the intricate dance
of Universal Will.
Each dancer is aware of
the pattern insofar as s/he is in
tune with the
dance. When the dancer becomes
the pattern, s/he is in tune with
the
Dance. When the dancer becomes
the pattern, s/he becomes the
embodiment
of the Hadit-point of the Universe
& becomes a direct link to the
Fountainhead of the Order for those
who have lost their step in the
dance.
But the dance of each
dancer is unique.
One may follow a
particular dancer for a while to atune
oneself with
the dance, but as one becomes atuned
with the dance, one ceases to
follow
any particular dancer, for each
dancer must learn to follow the pattern
composed of all the dancers, rather
than any particular dancer (no
matter
how skilled any particular dancer may
be).
Once a dancer is able to
discern the overall pattern, and
is able to
follow it, it then becomes his/her
duty to assist in its on-going
evolution, rather than simply
following it by rote.
Each star, planet &
comet contains a unique blend of
the essence from
the primal orgasm & therefore
each dance is a uniquely valid
expression
of the Pattern which re-creates the
fountainhead of the Order within
each
dancer, each according to h-is/er
ability to receive, perceive &
create
the Pattern within as well as without
the individual.
My perspective
shifted back into the dance
itself. As I fell back
into my body I came to a realization
that I am indeed one of the wan-
dering stars. I follow the
dance insofar as I am able & I
follow the
dancers whenever I lose my
step. I shine when I am in the company
of
those who shine & I keep my light
well hidden (sometimes even from
myself!) when I am amidst the company
of those who are not yet aware
that
they are stars.
* * *
[Here begins the excerpt from my Diary
entry of 22 February, 1983 e.v.]
Very very strange dreams
last night. While they were
in progress, I
felt like I was in a terrifying
nightmare, but once I awoke, I was able
to
see that my dreams were simply a very
intense learning
experience. I
spent about an hour after I awoke in
revery & dream
reconstruction.
Very useful techniques for getting
through the Malkuth overlays of
really
intense dreams. I shall
reconstruct the dreams as best as I can
while
feeling free to cut thru the maya of
the dream images where possible to
reveal glimpses of the fabric of the
experience insofar as I am able.
Note: sometime during sleep my dream
crystal migrated from my left hand
to
under my body. When I awoke
from the dream, my crystal was wedged
firmly
into the base of my spine causing
mild displeasure, but very intense
kundalini activity throughout the
lower chakras (from solar plexus on
down). My body was filled with
adrenalin (flight rather than
fight) & I
was covered in a cold sweat, which I
worked to absorb back into my body
during my dream reconstruction/revery
& then cleansed off that
which I was
unable to re-absorb with a
post-revery bath/shower.
As usual, I had
projected into sleep via VIII
orgasm. I was wandering
amidst the theater district in Astral
NYC & I came upon a used
bookshop.
Anne was with me during this first
segment of the dream. As we
went into
the shop, we saw some members of the
Tibetan Secret Police capture a
political refugee & haul him off
to be crucified. I was
slightly puzzled
because I had not realized that
crucifiction was commonly used for
political activists in Tibet.
Once in the store I
located a four volume set of books
which would
answer all my questions about Tibet
& crucifiction. I cannot
remember the
title of the set, but it seemed to be
some sort of magical encyclopedea
which could answer all
questions. At first the type in the book
was
totally incomprehensible, but as I
stared at the page, I began to make
out many variations on the verb to
crucify. I began to read the
text
aloud (it seemed to be in some sort
of barbarous tongue with some latin
marginalia) and...
The bookstore
vanished & along with it vanished
Anne & all memories of
anything outside of the reality in
which I had found myself. I
was in a
very old house which was decaying
around me. Each time I looked
into a
mirror, I would see myself looking
older & more decayed. I knew
that I was
not aging or rotting, but that the
mirrors were somehow causing this
illussion (very much like one of the
scenes in the movie Poltergeist).
As I began to look more
deeply into the mirror, I saw
another being
revealed in its depths. He (it
was definitely a he) was wrapping
my
reflection in old white cotton &
mouldy cowbwebs. As he
wrapped me up, he
mumbled a chant of illussion,
fascination, and death.
He had three sisters,
each of whom had long since died,
but yet who
lived on in the mirror. He had
wrapped them up long years
before. When
he saw that I could see him, he
smiled & drew his oldest sister in
front
of my reflection, so that I would
have to look through her in order to
see
my own reflection. As I looked
I became terrified for my mortal
self.
The corpse flesh dropped loosly from
her face & a worm was crawling
out of
her half-eaten eye. As she
smiled & beckoned to me, maggots
and
cockaroaches fell from her
mouth. I was totally repulsed &
tried to run,
but instead I fell through the
mirror.
Again no memory of
anything which had transpired
previously in the
dream or in any other reality.
I had been captured by a
band of young thugs in their
teens & early
twenties. Some of them looked
punk while others looked like
1950's street
hoods.
One of them would
torture me lightly & then promise
even more tortures,
describing them in detail. I
would go all to pieces & become
a sobbing
hulk lieing in the fetal position at
his feet. I was terrified of
him.
This seemed to please him, so I acted
more & more terrified of him,
even when I was not very fearful, for
by pleasing him, he would not
torture me directly.
At one point in the
dream he had me totally hysterical
& he was so
overcome with his own power that he
took down his pants & fucked
the fold
in my leg behind my knee. His
semen spread all over me & I
remembered who
I was & that this was but a
dream.
I was about to act when
I heard a little voice within me
to accept the
gift of semen & to use it to
follow this man back to where he had
come
from.
I awoke in my bed with
my heart beating very fast. I
was terrified.
After much meditation & calming
myself down I remembered all of the
dream & went back into it as an
observer looking for clues, using
my dream
crystal annointed with the cold sweat
from my body as a focus.
The four books are a
key. I believe that they are
written in Enochian,
but that they are also blank.
That is to say, the four books
correspond
to the four Enochain elemental
realities, but that they contain invoka-
tions &/or evokations which we
write into them via our unexpressed
needs
for balance. When I looked into
the book, I was looking for
information
about political martyrdom, ascent of
the Tree via the pillar of
Severity &
the symbols of Tiphareth.
Within the mirror were the three Fates
& their
brother (about whom not very much is
recorded). The sister who
had
terrified me so much was Atropos, the
inescapable one, whose magickal
weapon is the scissors for she breaks
the thread of life. Here
was my
link to my former master!
I return to the
mirror. My brother is nowhere to be
seen. My other
two sisters are very prominant in
their roles of weaving & spinning
the
thread of my life about the image of
myself which dwells in the
mirror. I
see them clearly and know them to be
called (in English) Destiny &
Chance.
My third sister once again dances
between my image & myself, thus
severing
the thread woven by Clotho &
Lachesis.
I step foward &
embrace Atropos. In so doing, I
reach behind her &
touch the end of the thread she has
broken. As I merge with the
thread,
Atropos becomes younger &
younger. She is still a corpse, but
a very
sexually arrousing corpse. The
maggots have made her cunt all
sweet &
runny & the worms have loosened
up her ass for my cock. As we
couple, we
dance & my brother (now visible)
does weave a spell around us both.
I am now on board the
plane with my former Master.
He does not know
me, for I am wearing the body of a
woman. The plane explodes
& I leave
the plane to follow the scent of he
whom I follow.
I am back in the
bookshop in Astral NYC. I recognize
the shopkeeper as
Chozar, the Atlantean mage from the
Age of Lizzard-men who became the
prototype for Choronzon. He
smiles at me in greeting. I am
holding one
of the four volumes of The Book of
Universal Dance.
The volume I hold is
bound in black leather & has a
rose incised on the
front cover. The leather rose
has thorns of stainless
steel. One of the
thorns has pricked my finger &
the book is now smeared with my
blood.
I know I am on the
Astral Plane. Therefore this text
has taken on the
attributes of Yesod. This text
is the text of Knowledge, which
relates to
Swords, but here in Yesod, swords
relate most easily to Cruelty &
Despair
through the influences of Mars in
Gemini.
I put down the book, for
I know that it is not for me to
attain this
book from this Place. Were I in
Tiphaereth, this book would be a
real
prize, but from here, it is a bit too
`interesting' (as in the old
Chinese
curse "May you lead an interesting
life") for my present stage of
development. Perhaps one day,
but certainly not now... and I
especially
have no desire to take a book such as
this back with me to
Malkuth!
I enter the sleaziest
men's room I can find & wipe the
crud from the
mirror. My sisters welcome me
as I gain entrance to their world
with the
blood from my finger. Beyond
the mirror, I have no
reflection. Thus
there are no weavings of the fates to
bind me nor to cut me off from my
task. I refresh myself at the
Fountainhead & return to my
body which sits
before the computer keyboard.
Here ends this dream research for
today.
* * *
[Here begins the excerpt from my Diary
entry dated 3 March, 1983 e.v.]
Only fragments of dream
memories. The one part which
sticks in my mind
had to do with a written `test' I was
taking in which I had to evaluate
both my strong points & my
flaws. As I wrote, I saw that my
flaws & my
strong points were one & the
same. It is all a matter of how I am
able to
use them.
The dream also began a
series of adventures with a woman
whom I met in
the dream. She was so different
from me that I had a very
difficult
time suspending judgement long enough
to learn from her. It was
difficult, but very
instructive.
There was also a
retromingence in Time in which the TV
stars of M*A*S*H
were re-assigned to World War II,
once they had completed their task of
humanizing the Korean War. {I was
told by my mother that the final
episode
of the M*A*S*H TV series was aired
this past Monday evening after
running
for 11 years -- I suspect there is a
lot of strong feelings for this
show
on the astral at this time}.
[editor's note: frater PVN has not watched tv
on a regular basis since the summer of 1963
-- hence the rather oblique reference
to the final episode of M*A*S*H.]
Somehow the Kundalini
Serpent within each Adept must be
induced to bend
back upon itself in order that the
AL-Chemyst will gain the ability to
re-
vivify the past without being
compelled to relive the errors of the
Past.
As A.O. Spare and
Kenneth Grant point out, nostalgia is a
key --
nostalgia for that which has not yet
come to pass. Thanks to the
re-
searchers in the field of Quantum
Chromodynamics, it is now possible to
deduce, explore & mathematically
map such a multi-Dimensioned
Kundalini
Serpent.
The OroborO serpent can
be seen as far more than a simple
concept which
aspires to becoming a closed circle
through the swallowing of its own
tail. This representation of
the Fire Serpent can also be viewed
as an
infinite regression of spirals which
continualy fold back on themselves
by
traversing Time in both directions
(Future to Past as well as Past to
Future).
The OroborO Serpent is
the summation of these recursive
spirals over
all Time & all Space. Each
seperate unit within this complex
series of
spirals is able to act either
independently &/or as a cohesive part
of the
Macrocosmic Risen Kundalini even
though the microcosmic units of this
Grand spiral are seperated by Time
&/or Space.
The Serpent constantly
overlaps its own coils, refining
its essence
through self digestion & through
a formula which is not unlike that
of the
Phoenix.
With these ideas in mind
(but not yet worked out in an
articulate
manner), I performed my morning
VIII. In the post-orgasmic swirl,
I
managed to latch onto a concrete
dream object. It was a
book.
The book intrigued me
for it contained that which I
perceive as a non-
atomic quantum discontinuity within
the fabric of Space/Time (i.e., a
total non-linear discontinuity which
existed upon a Macrocosmic scale
rather than upon a sub-atomic scale).
While the book seemed to
be real in-&- of-itself, I
was also able to
perceive it as an allegorical
representation of a Truth which I was not
able to apprehend directly in its
pristine simplicity.
As I looked more deeply
into the book, I saw that it was
written in two
very different kinds of language (far
different from each other than
any
two human scripts). Although I
had never seen either script
before & was
unable to translate either of them
(in the usual sense of the meaning
of
translate), I was able to intuit much
from what I was able to see
during
my brief glimpse of the book.
The title of the book is
the Book of Oblivion {I have a
feeling that
Oblivion is a person (or perhaps an
Office) as well as a state of being
aspired to by those who tire of the
Wheel}.
The first portion of the
text was written in a cursive
script as might
be designed by an organic creature
& reproduced mechanically via a
typrwriter of some sort. As I
stared at various pages of the
book, I
somehow knew that It was an ongoing
magickal diary interspersed with a
series of guidelines for aspirants.
The writer of the text was an
advanced
adept.
Near the end of the
first portion, the `tone' of the
writing became
hesitant, apparently because the
great adept became aware that all of
his(her?) initiations were but the
faintest shadow of true
Initiation.
Then came the quantum leap.
The text changed from an
organically derived cursive to a
series of
non-Euclidean alien symbols which
intertwined over themselves all over
the page in a decidely disquieting
non-linear fashion.
The only way I am able
to describe the text is to say that
it looked
vaugely mathematical, yet alive in a
non-organic sort of way. It
`sort
of' moved (without moving) in a way
which I found profoundly
disturbing.
I have seen texts which exhibited
this kind of `motion' at other
`places'
(away from Malkuth), yet I have no
conscious recollection of seeing any
quite like this one.
I am amazed that I
was able to glean as much from
this book as I did,
for I only glimpsed it for an instant
as I fell back into my body after
the not-very-exciting orgasm.
* * *
[Here begins M.R. entry dated SUNDAY,
the 6th Day of MARCH, 1983 e.v.]
Took Shroom Tea on
Friday night with Anne. I was
pleasantly suprised
at how nice it was. Lately
(i.e., over the past year or so), the
intensity of a lot of my Shroom
experiences has been less than
pleasant.
I seem to be becoming more in line
with my Will & I seem to be able
to
allocate my time such that my Magick
& my Malkuth are both being
worked on
together, rather than one being at
the expense of the other.
Other aspects of myself
(from other Times &/or from
other Dimensions)
were with me during various phases of
the trip. No full
manifestations of
other entities, but lots of activity
just beneath the surface. I
saw lots
of activity within Anne, but every
time I worked to help bring it to
the
surface, she lost Trust in herself
(&/or the experience) and her
ego mask
went rigid over the Window of her
face so I could no longer see beyond
Anne. I suspect that if we had
both been tripping harder, perhaps
I would
have been able to get through.
I think I was somewhat
hampered by `Lust of Result' in
that I was
trying too hard for a full-blown
manifestation of Higher
Consciousness.
Ever since the UT manifestation, I
have sought to be a `midwife' to
assist
such experiences whenever &
whereever I can. I have learned a lot,
but
sometimes I can still be a bit too
expectant & `helpful' -- i.e.,
my
helpfulness is really a hinderance.
Anne pointed out an
interesting connection for me.
Every Man & Every
Woman is a Star. The Star Trump
is related to the Hebrew letter
He, which
means window. Thus every Man
& Woman are Windows for that
which lies
beyond.
Lucifer was strong
within me again during the Trip.
The first-Born Son
of God as Lightbearer. He who
is off on his own in order to solve
the
problems inherant in the First
creation. He who seeks to change
the laws
of nature. Sometime I must sit
down & write-up Lucifer's
autobiography.
So many people see Lucifer as being
against God, while he is really the
head of God's Research &
Development team with Carte Blanche (from
old
Long of Nose himself) to experiment
with the Universe as a whole in
order
to seek ways of improving it.
In a lot of ways, Lucifer is an
`art
critic' much like Johnathan Hoag (in
the story by Robert Heinlein).
I need to get back to
the concentrative & distillation
phases of
alchemy. Mushroom tea is nice,
but I am unable to make it as
strong as
the alcoholic elixir. I need to
trip heavy now that I am on
better terms
with myself.
During the trip, I came
to a better realization of why
Lovecraft
would not eat seafood. He had a
`contact' (Cthuhlu) who was of aquatic
origin. It is next to
impossible to sort out the spacial or
temporal
relationships among various
inner-plane contacts. That is to say,
Lovecraft had no way of knowing which
Planet or which Time Cthuluhu was
`from'. Therefore, Cthulhu may
have evolved in earth's future
from that
which is now considered to be
seafood. Therefore: why risk eating that
which may be a neccessary
evolutionary link for your contact. The
reverse
is also standard practice -- i.e.,
the Great spider which I sometime
commune with does not now eat
monkeys, even though they used to be a
staple of her diet before we made
contact with one another.
* * *
Thus ends Volume II of
ChRySTAL Visions thru the Astral
Mirror. While
these tales can be entertaining &
instructive even to those with no
serious interest in magick, I have
been asked to provide a few `clues'
for
those who would like to pursue these
adventures on a more serious
level.
PVN's system of Magick
is a rather unique synthesis of
Thelema, Science
Fantasy & `homegrown' American
Shamanism, which can best be
understood
by those who are well versed in the
writings of Aleister Crowley,
Kenneth
Grant, Austin O. Spare and Howard P.
Lovecraft.
Crowley's writings are a
maze of inter-connected essays,
books,
poetry, and plays which span over 50
very prolific years. Even a
partial
bibliogrpahy of the man's work would
fill this entire pamphlet.
PVN
advises those new to Magick to read
whatever comes to hand, while
keeping
good notes & re-reading to
synthesize as new material becomes
availabale.
In some ways, reading Crolwy is like
learning a new language &
culture
without benefit of any comprehensive
books on grammar or syntax.
The Tree
of Life provides the basic
dictionary. Beyond that, the student
is on
his own.
Kenneth Grant takes an
entirely different approach.
His books are
meticulous, well thought out, and
progress in logical sequence from his
earliest (Magical Revival) to his
latest (Outside the Circles of Time).
To those who would like
to gain some insights into the
historical
development of Frater PVN's personal
sytem of magick, I would
reccommend a
careful purusal of his older magickal
records, many of which will soon
be
on file at the Black Moon Magickal
Archives.
ChRySTAL Visions thru the Astral
Mirror (II)
by Alobar
(aka: PVN)
[Here begins
excerpt from
Diary entry of 21 February, 1983 e.v.]
Went back to bed
after last entry (I am fighting off
a cold) & spent
much time thinking about my letter to
Frater ___. As I lay between
sleep &
mundane reality, I began to feel a
presence of power flow about me like
a
warm & welcome shroud. I
was very aware of a nostalgic
longing for the
mystical reality in which there is no
seperation between myself &
the rest
of the Universe.
I invoked the
god-form of PAN(NH) as used by me
during my second
successful practice of Liber
Astarte. PAN(NH) is the ultimate
vessel of
the Universe. S/He contains the
body of Nuit within H-is/er round
belly.
My merge with the godform was not
complete, but it did give me a
perspective from which to view the
Universe.
I saw the body of
NUIT from the outside.
Within the continuous arch
of her body was the absolute void of
which interstellar space is but
the
palest shadow. But the void was
not empty, for it contained the
myriad
twinkles of the sisterhood of
Stars. [I realize as I write this
that a
void which is not empty is
contradictory in this mundane reality of
Malkuth, but from the viewpoint of my
vision, there was no
contradiction.]
I was reminded of Crowley's Star
Sponge vision & briefly wished he
were
with me in the flesh so that we could
compare & contrast our
individual
perspectives.
In the center of
the Void was a gigantic Star which
appeared to be the
pivot point of the Universe. I
knew instictively that it was the
fountainhead of the Order which lies
beyond Dath. As I watched, the
Star went Nova & spewed its
star-stuff throughout the
Multiverse. It
was as if the Hadit point of the
Order had experienced the ultimate
orgasm
which destroyed its individuality
completely. The star-stuff
expanded
outward to embrace the Universe &
to Unite with the body of
NUIT. As each
of the little stars passed through
the cloud of star-stuff, it absorbed
as
much of it as it was able. As
each of the stars absorbed the
ejaculation
from the Hadit-point, it became
self-aware.
NOTE: [Before I get too much further
in this little account of my
vision,
I should point out that all that I
write is allegory and analogy.
What I
`saw' took place in a realm which is
beyond time & space and is
therefore
very difficult to speak of directly
using the mundane languages of this
planet which were designed to speak
of sensory reality. When I
speak of
stars or planets or comets, I should
not be construed to be speaking of
astronomical reality. I simply
utilize what images I can to
convey a
certain `feeling' for what I
perceived. I do not wish to quibble
over
linear details of my words, for my
words are not my vision.]
I saw that each of
the stars were alive & that
each moved independ-
ently of the others, yet in their
motion was harmony. Because of
the
infussion of the jism from the
Haditpoint, each believed itself to be
the
center of the Universe. Each
star was correct, yet each was also
in error
-- for each Star is indeed the center
of its own Universe, but insofar
as
each Star is unable to perceive other
Stars as also being the center of
the Universe, it is also in
error. For the Stars themselves are
not
stationary centers, but in constant
motion. The dynamic pattern
formed
from the interaction of all the Stars
in the Universe is the true
center
of the Body of NUIT.
I saw that the
stars were not equal in their
self-awareness, nor were
they equal in their ability to
perceive their place within the pattern
of
the whole. All contained the
seed of initiation from the
Hadit-point, yet
most seemed uninterested in nurturing
the growth of this seed.
From my perspective, I
saw that the dance of the Stars was
an
initiatory pattern which nurtured
that aspect of the essence of the
Fountainhead of the Order which
exists within each of the Stars.
But I also saw all
dances as transitory. Each dance
of interaction was
capable of initiation, yet no one
dance could fully embrace the
totality
of the Universal experience. I
saw/perceived many intertwining
themes
repeat themselves endlessly as the
spiral dances of the Stars sought to
reify the Fountainhead of the Order
within the personal experience of
each
& every individual Star.
But as I looked
closer & closer I saw that the
Stars were not alone in
the Universe. Most stars had
one or more dark companions, whose
Will was
to follow an intricate orbit about
the parent Star. Such dark
companions
sometimes impeded the orbital dance
of the parent stars, for their
dance
was not yet graceful enough to fully
compliment the dance of the
stars.
It was in those stystems where the
orbits of the planets were freeest
that
the stars were least impeded.
When a parent star grew
old & finally went nova, it
would spew out its
star-stuff to those in orbit around
it in a microcosmic reenactment of
the primal orgasm. Some of the
dark planets would then become
stars on
their own, while others would choose
another star to follow. I
also saw
certain comets which were attached
but loosly to a particular star;
they
spent much of their time in a complex
orbit among various stars in the
same neighborhood.
But here my attempts to
communicate this vision begin to
break down,
for most of these comets were also
stars in their own right, whose
dance
took them through the orbital plane
of several other stars.
When these comets were
in close proximity to another star,
they shone
as brightly as the brighest of them,
but when they were far from any of
their companion stars, they took on
the appearance of the coldest
planet.
Perhaps in this phase
they might be likened to the Hermits
spoken of in
Liber AL vel Legis. It seemed to be
the purpose of these wandering
stars to disrupt the orbital patterns
of those overly inert planets who
seem to hinder the dance of the
stars.
From where I stood, it
seemed to me that those steller
systems which
were visited most frequently by the
cometary wanderers were the systems
with the highest concentration of the
life essence from the primal
orgasm.
In some way which I cannot put into
words, these wandering stars
regenerated the stable stars so that
they could keep up the pace of
their
intricate dance for far longer before
they would grow old & go
nova.
These wandering stars
had no planets of their own (nor did
they desire
any), but they did travel in the
company of other wandering stars,
which
were neither stars nor planets in any
conventional sense of the
word. It
is the function of these wandering
stars to induce planets into
Starhood
by unconventional methods.
My perspective
shifted once again & I was able
to see that each &
every star, planet & comet was
involved in a complex dance within
the body
of NUIT. The center of the
circle is nowhere found, yet it could
easily
be deduced from the intricate dance
of Universal Will.
Each dancer is aware of
the pattern insofar as s/he is in
tune with the
dance. When the dancer becomes
the pattern, s/he is in tune with
the
Dance. When the dancer becomes
the pattern, s/he becomes the
embodiment
of the Hadit-point of the Universe
& becomes a direct link to the
Fountainhead of the Order for those
who have lost their step in the
dance.
But the dance of each
dancer is unique.
One may follow a
particular dancer for a while to atune
oneself with
the dance, but as one becomes atuned
with the dance, one ceases to
follow
any particular dancer, for each
dancer must learn to follow the pattern
composed of all the dancers, rather
than any particular dancer (no
matter
how skilled any particular dancer may
be).
Once a dancer is able to
discern the overall pattern, and
is able to
follow it, it then becomes his/her
duty to assist in its on-going
evolution, rather than simply
following it by rote.
Each star, planet &
comet contains a unique blend of
the essence from
the primal orgasm & therefore
each dance is a uniquely valid
expression
of the Pattern which re-creates the
fountainhead of the Order within
each
dancer, each according to h-is/er
ability to receive, perceive &
create
the Pattern within as well as without
the individual.
My perspective
shifted back into the dance
itself. As I fell back
into my body I came to a realization
that I am indeed one of the wan-
dering stars. I follow the
dance insofar as I am able & I
follow the
dancers whenever I lose my
step. I shine when I am in the company
of
those who shine & I keep my light
well hidden (sometimes even from
myself!) when I am amidst the company
of those who are not yet aware
that
they are stars.
* * *
[Here begins the excerpt from my Diary
entry of 22 February, 1983 e.v.]
Very very strange dreams
last night. While they were
in progress, I
felt like I was in a terrifying
nightmare, but once I awoke, I was able
to
see that my dreams were simply a very
intense learning
experience. I
spent about an hour after I awoke in
revery & dream
reconstruction.
Very useful techniques for getting
through the Malkuth overlays of
really
intense dreams. I shall
reconstruct the dreams as best as I can
while
feeling free to cut thru the maya of
the dream images where possible to
reveal glimpses of the fabric of the
experience insofar as I am able.
Note: sometime during sleep my dream
crystal migrated from my left hand
to
under my body. When I awoke
from the dream, my crystal was wedged
firmly
into the base of my spine causing
mild displeasure, but very intense
kundalini activity throughout the
lower chakras (from solar plexus on
down). My body was filled with
adrenalin (flight rather than
fight) & I
was covered in a cold sweat, which I
worked to absorb back into my body
during my dream reconstruction/revery
& then cleansed off that
which I was
unable to re-absorb with a
post-revery bath/shower.
As usual, I had
projected into sleep via VIII
orgasm. I was wandering
amidst the theater district in Astral
NYC & I came upon a used
bookshop.
Anne was with me during this first
segment of the dream. As we
went into
the shop, we saw some members of the
Tibetan Secret Police capture a
political refugee & haul him off
to be crucified. I was
slightly puzzled
because I had not realized that
crucifiction was commonly used for
political activists in Tibet.
Once in the store I
located a four volume set of books
which would
answer all my questions about Tibet
& crucifiction. I cannot
remember the
title of the set, but it seemed to be
some sort of magical encyclopedea
which could answer all
questions. At first the type in the book
was
totally incomprehensible, but as I
stared at the page, I began to make
out many variations on the verb to
crucify. I began to read the
text
aloud (it seemed to be in some sort
of barbarous tongue with some latin
marginalia) and...
The bookstore
vanished & along with it vanished
Anne & all memories of
anything outside of the reality in
which I had found myself. I
was in a
very old house which was decaying
around me. Each time I looked
into a
mirror, I would see myself looking
older & more decayed. I knew
that I was
not aging or rotting, but that the
mirrors were somehow causing this
illussion (very much like one of the
scenes in the movie Poltergeist).
As I began to look more
deeply into the mirror, I saw
another being
revealed in its depths. He (it
was definitely a he) was wrapping
my
reflection in old white cotton &
mouldy cowbwebs. As he
wrapped me up, he
mumbled a chant of illussion,
fascination, and death.
He had three sisters,
each of whom had long since died,
but yet who
lived on in the mirror. He had
wrapped them up long years
before. When
he saw that I could see him, he
smiled & drew his oldest sister in
front
of my reflection, so that I would
have to look through her in order to
see
my own reflection. As I looked
I became terrified for my mortal
self.
The corpse flesh dropped loosly from
her face & a worm was crawling
out of
her half-eaten eye. As she
smiled & beckoned to me, maggots
and
cockaroaches fell from her
mouth. I was totally repulsed &
tried to run,
but instead I fell through the
mirror.
Again no memory of
anything which had transpired
previously in the
dream or in any other reality.
I had been captured by a
band of young thugs in their
teens & early
twenties. Some of them looked
punk while others looked like
1950's street
hoods.
One of them would
torture me lightly & then promise
even more tortures,
describing them in detail. I
would go all to pieces & become
a sobbing
hulk lieing in the fetal position at
his feet. I was terrified of
him.
This seemed to please him, so I acted
more & more terrified of him,
even when I was not very fearful, for
by pleasing him, he would not
torture me directly.
At one point in the
dream he had me totally hysterical
& he was so
overcome with his own power that he
took down his pants & fucked
the fold
in my leg behind my knee. His
semen spread all over me & I
remembered who
I was & that this was but a
dream.
I was about to act when
I heard a little voice within me
to accept the
gift of semen & to use it to
follow this man back to where he had
come
from.
I awoke in my bed with
my heart beating very fast. I
was terrified.
After much meditation & calming
myself down I remembered all of the
dream & went back into it as an
observer looking for clues, using
my dream
crystal annointed with the cold sweat
from my body as a focus.
The four books are a
key. I believe that they are
written in Enochian,
but that they are also blank.
That is to say, the four books
correspond
to the four Enochain elemental
realities, but that they contain invoka-
tions &/or evokations which we
write into them via our unexpressed
needs
for balance. When I looked into
the book, I was looking for
information
about political martyrdom, ascent of
the Tree via the pillar of
Severity &
the symbols of Tiphareth.
Within the mirror were the three Fates
& their
brother (about whom not very much is
recorded). The sister who
had
terrified me so much was Atropos, the
inescapable one, whose magickal
weapon is the scissors for she breaks
the thread of life. Here
was my
link to my former master!
I return to the
mirror. My brother is nowhere to be
seen. My other
two sisters are very prominant in
their roles of weaving & spinning
the
thread of my life about the image of
myself which dwells in the
mirror. I
see them clearly and know them to be
called (in English) Destiny &
Chance.
My third sister once again dances
between my image & myself, thus
severing
the thread woven by Clotho &
Lachesis.
I step foward &
embrace Atropos. In so doing, I
reach behind her &
touch the end of the thread she has
broken. As I merge with the
thread,
Atropos becomes younger &
younger. She is still a corpse, but
a very
sexually arrousing corpse. The
maggots have made her cunt all
sweet &
runny & the worms have loosened
up her ass for my cock. As we
couple, we
dance & my brother (now visible)
does weave a spell around us both.
I am now on board the
plane with my former Master.
He does not know
me, for I am wearing the body of a
woman. The plane explodes
& I leave
the plane to follow the scent of he
whom I follow.
I am back in the
bookshop in Astral NYC. I recognize
the shopkeeper as
Chozar, the Atlantean mage from the
Age of Lizzard-men who became the
prototype for Choronzon. He
smiles at me in greeting. I am
holding one
of the four volumes of The Book of
Universal Dance.
The volume I hold is
bound in black leather & has a
rose incised on the
front cover. The leather rose
has thorns of stainless
steel. One of the
thorns has pricked my finger &
the book is now smeared with my
blood.
I know I am on the
Astral Plane. Therefore this text
has taken on the
attributes of Yesod. This text
is the text of Knowledge, which
relates to
Swords, but here in Yesod, swords
relate most easily to Cruelty &
Despair
through the influences of Mars in
Gemini.
I put down the book, for
I know that it is not for me to
attain this
book from this Place. Were I in
Tiphaereth, this book would be a
real
prize, but from here, it is a bit too
`interesting' (as in the old
Chinese
curse "May you lead an interesting
life") for my present stage of
development. Perhaps one day,
but certainly not now... and I
especially
have no desire to take a book such as
this back with me to
Malkuth!
I enter the sleaziest
men's room I can find & wipe the
crud from the
mirror. My sisters welcome me
as I gain entrance to their world
with the
blood from my finger. Beyond
the mirror, I have no
reflection. Thus
there are no weavings of the fates to
bind me nor to cut me off from my
task. I refresh myself at the
Fountainhead & return to my
body which sits
before the computer keyboard.
Here ends this dream research for
today.
* * *
[Here begins the excerpt from my Diary
entry dated 3 March, 1983 e.v.]
Only fragments of dream
memories. The one part which
sticks in my mind
had to do with a written `test' I was
taking in which I had to evaluate
both my strong points & my
flaws. As I wrote, I saw that my
flaws & my
strong points were one & the
same. It is all a matter of how I am
able to
use them.
The dream also began a
series of adventures with a woman
whom I met in
the dream. She was so different
from me that I had a very
difficult
time suspending judgement long enough
to learn from her. It was
difficult, but very
instructive.
There was also a
retromingence in Time in which the TV
stars of M*A*S*H
were re-assigned to World War II,
once they had completed their task of
humanizing the Korean War. {I was
told by my mother that the final
episode
of the M*A*S*H TV series was aired
this past Monday evening after
running
for 11 years -- I suspect there is a
lot of strong feelings for this
show
on the astral at this time}.
[editor's note: frater PVN has not watched tv
on a regular basis since the summer of 1963
-- hence the rather oblique reference
to the final episode of M*A*S*H.]
Somehow the Kundalini
Serpent within each Adept must be
induced to bend
back upon itself in order that the
AL-Chemyst will gain the ability to
re-
vivify the past without being
compelled to relive the errors of the
Past.
As A.O. Spare and
Kenneth Grant point out, nostalgia is a
key --
nostalgia for that which has not yet
come to pass. Thanks to the
re-
searchers in the field of Quantum
Chromodynamics, it is now possible to
deduce, explore & mathematically
map such a multi-Dimensioned
Kundalini
Serpent.
The OroborO serpent can
be seen as far more than a simple
concept which
aspires to becoming a closed circle
through the swallowing of its own
tail. This representation of
the Fire Serpent can also be viewed
as an
infinite regression of spirals which
continualy fold back on themselves
by
traversing Time in both directions
(Future to Past as well as Past to
Future).
The OroborO Serpent is
the summation of these recursive
spirals over
all Time & all Space. Each
seperate unit within this complex
series of
spirals is able to act either
independently &/or as a cohesive part
of the
Macrocosmic Risen Kundalini even
though the microcosmic units of this
Grand spiral are seperated by Time
&/or Space.
The Serpent constantly
overlaps its own coils, refining
its essence
through self digestion & through
a formula which is not unlike that
of the
Phoenix.
With these ideas in mind
(but not yet worked out in an
articulate
manner), I performed my morning
VIII. In the post-orgasmic swirl,
I
managed to latch onto a concrete
dream object. It was a
book.
The book intrigued me
for it contained that which I
perceive as a non-
atomic quantum discontinuity within
the fabric of Space/Time (i.e., a
total non-linear discontinuity which
existed upon a Macrocosmic scale
rather than upon a sub-atomic scale).
While the book seemed to
be real in-&- of-itself, I
was also able to
perceive it as an allegorical
representation of a Truth which I was not
able to apprehend directly in its
pristine simplicity.
As I looked more deeply
into the book, I saw that it was
written in two
very different kinds of language (far
different from each other than
any
two human scripts). Although I
had never seen either script
before & was
unable to translate either of them
(in the usual sense of the meaning
of
translate), I was able to intuit much
from what I was able to see
during
my brief glimpse of the book.
The title of the book is
the Book of Oblivion {I have a
feeling that
Oblivion is a person (or perhaps an
Office) as well as a state of being
aspired to by those who tire of the
Wheel}.
The first portion of the
text was written in a cursive
script as might
be designed by an organic creature
& reproduced mechanically via a
typrwriter of some sort. As I
stared at various pages of the
book, I
somehow knew that It was an ongoing
magickal diary interspersed with a
series of guidelines for aspirants.
The writer of the text was an
advanced
adept.
Near the end of the
first portion, the `tone' of the
writing became
hesitant, apparently because the
great adept became aware that all of
his(her?) initiations were but the
faintest shadow of true
Initiation.
Then came the quantum leap.
The text changed from an
organically derived cursive to a
series of
non-Euclidean alien symbols which
intertwined over themselves all over
the page in a decidely disquieting
non-linear fashion.
The only way I am able
to describe the text is to say that
it looked
vaugely mathematical, yet alive in a
non-organic sort of way. It
`sort
of' moved (without moving) in a way
which I found profoundly
disturbing.
I have seen texts which exhibited
this kind of `motion' at other
`places'
(away from Malkuth), yet I have no
conscious recollection of seeing any
quite like this one.
I am amazed that I
was able to glean as much from
this book as I did,
for I only glimpsed it for an instant
as I fell back into my body after
the not-very-exciting orgasm.
* * *
[Here begins M.R. entry dated SUNDAY,
the 6th Day of MARCH, 1983 e.v.]
Took Shroom Tea on
Friday night with Anne. I was
pleasantly suprised
at how nice it was. Lately
(i.e., over the past year or so), the
intensity of a lot of my Shroom
experiences has been less than
pleasant.
I seem to be becoming more in line
with my Will & I seem to be able
to
allocate my time such that my Magick
& my Malkuth are both being
worked on
together, rather than one being at
the expense of the other.
Other aspects of myself
(from other Times &/or from
other Dimensions)
were with me during various phases of
the trip. No full
manifestations of
other entities, but lots of activity
just beneath the surface. I
saw lots
of activity within Anne, but every
time I worked to help bring it to
the
surface, she lost Trust in herself
(&/or the experience) and her
ego mask
went rigid over the Window of her
face so I could no longer see beyond
Anne. I suspect that if we had
both been tripping harder, perhaps
I would
have been able to get through.
I think I was somewhat
hampered by `Lust of Result' in
that I was
trying too hard for a full-blown
manifestation of Higher
Consciousness.
Ever since the UT manifestation, I
have sought to be a `midwife' to
assist
such experiences whenever &
whereever I can. I have learned a lot,
but
sometimes I can still be a bit too
expectant & `helpful' -- i.e.,
my
helpfulness is really a hinderance.
Anne pointed out an
interesting connection for me.
Every Man & Every
Woman is a Star. The Star Trump
is related to the Hebrew letter
He, which
means window. Thus every Man
& Woman are Windows for that
which lies
beyond.
Lucifer was strong
within me again during the Trip.
The first-Born Son
of God as Lightbearer. He who
is off on his own in order to solve
the
problems inherant in the First
creation. He who seeks to change
the laws
of nature. Sometime I must sit
down & write-up Lucifer's
autobiography.
So many people see Lucifer as being
against God, while he is really the
head of God's Research &
Development team with Carte Blanche (from
old
Long of Nose himself) to experiment
with the Universe as a whole in
order
to seek ways of improving it.
In a lot of ways, Lucifer is an
`art
critic' much like Johnathan Hoag (in
the story by Robert Heinlein).
I need to get back to
the concentrative & distillation
phases of
alchemy. Mushroom tea is nice,
but I am unable to make it as
strong as
the alcoholic elixir. I need to
trip heavy now that I am on
better terms
with myself.
During the trip, I came
to a better realization of why
Lovecraft
would not eat seafood. He had a
`contact' (Cthuhlu) who was of aquatic
origin. It is next to
impossible to sort out the spacial or
temporal
relationships among various
inner-plane contacts. That is to say,
Lovecraft had no way of knowing which
Planet or which Time Cthuluhu was
`from'. Therefore, Cthulhu may
have evolved in earth's future
from that
which is now considered to be
seafood. Therefore: why risk eating that
which may be a neccessary
evolutionary link for your contact. The
reverse
is also standard practice -- i.e.,
the Great spider which I sometime
commune with does not now eat
monkeys, even though they used to be a
staple of her diet before we made
contact with one another.
* * *
Thus ends Volume II of
ChRySTAL Visions thru the Astral
Mirror. While
these tales can be entertaining &
instructive even to those with no
serious interest in magick, I have
been asked to provide a few `clues'
for
those who would like to pursue these
adventures on a more serious
level.
PVN's system of Magick
is a rather unique synthesis of
Thelema, Science
Fantasy & `homegrown' American
Shamanism, which can best be
understood
